wow june, i guess i never paid attention to the passing of time. we think we have so much time to do what we want and in reality we do, we just have to realize that, that time can be taken from us very fast. it is hard for me not to look back, over the last 5 years and not wonder what if.. what if i had not parted.. what if i went to class and studied hard.. what if i had not gone to that birthday party... there are so many moments that i wonder if they had not happened where would i be, who i would be. there have been very defining moments in my life in the last 5 years, i am having to live with the consaquences of some actions/ decisions that i made 5,4,3,2,1, years ago. its funny every morning i read the blog that my exs mother writes, and i dont know why i just do maybe its for the connection, the religious words that she writes, or simplely that i will always love him and them no matter how they feel about me. as i watch my family fall apart and i cling to what i can i wonder what would have happened had someone in my family gotten ill as casey had? how would my family hold up? i marval at how strong his family was, the roles that they , we took on. and what a blessing in turn that experence has been. i miss him dearly every day and i dont know if that will ever change i dont think it will, and im ok with that he was, is and will always be a very speacial part of who i am. the lessons that i learned from that whole experience some easier than others.